Why not give up on the question of God’s will?

I am a 26-year-old banker and have been married one-and-a-half years. My parents-in-law were against our getting married. I suffered a lot and have been left with an inferiority complex. I used to be a creative person, but now I seem to have no zeal. I want to be rich and successful but feel exhausted. How do I overcome this to build stronger relationships and feel happy? — SS Is your sense of inferiority because you aren’t able to get rich? If so, your issues go deeper than feeling exhausted. Success is an inner state and it is satisfying without external rewards. A sense of inner worth tends to be the prerequisite for almost any kind of worldly fulfillment. Please realize how important this is. It cannot be bypassed. You would be helped the most by taking your husband’s family out of the equation. Your sense of inferiority comes from a fear of impending failure and I suspect your exhaustion comes from either worry or letting people attack you when you should be standing up for yourself. The priority should be finding a source of inner worth. After that, much in your life will change.

How do I get to know what is God’s will so that I can understand the purpose of my life? From childhood, I have been losing things — be it education, family or friends. Why me? Could you help me understand the way the Almighty works? — Aniruddha You’ve asked a question so deep that even the greatest sages, gurus, and philosophers have not been able to solve it. Why not give up on the question of God’s will? As soon as you do that, realization will come. By ascribing your losses to God, you have not recovered from them. The hurt is still with you, along with a deep sense of anxiety and hopelessness. These are the issues you need to address. They are psychological and emotional, not spiritual. To the extent that you are searching to read God’s mind, you have lost contact with your own heart. There is where the problem lies – as well as the solution.

I’ve tried to find a job for 10 years, without success. I have not given up and am still trying. I have observed that the first letter of the names of those who interviewed me for a job starts with either the letter ‘A’, ‘R’ or ‘S’. Does this mean anything? — Naidu You must know full well that this is a coincidence and it has no meaning. But I expected you to ask another, more pressing question, along with the one you posed. “Why have I failed to find a job after 10 years?” The fact that you waste your energies thinking up fantastical connections suggests two possibilities: Either you are given to daydreaming and distracting yourself from important realities, or you don’t actually think that holding down a job is attractive. The world can make a place for daydreamers and even for those who don’t want to work. If that’s you, be yourself. Life may have other prospects in view. If you sincerely want employment and haven’t found it in 10 years, I’d advise psychological therapy. Some ingredient you haven’t mentioned is creating a serious personal obstacle.

My husband has cheated on me. My Reiki teacher says I should forgive him, but I find it hard to do so. When I try, my husband does something that makes me curse him. His infidelity has affected my children’s career and is hurting me. Please help. — Anonymous If I may say so, a teacher who says you should forgive someone, doesn’t seem much help. Can you find someone who will say, “Let me help you forgive him?” Forgiveness cannot exist without the following conditions: You must want to get past your wounded feelings; you must sincerely examine why being a victim isn’t right; once your inner pain has been released, you must look at how forgiveness will benefit you; you must take active steps to move on and at some point, you must honestly examine your relationship.

I would suggest writing these points down and putting them in your purse. When you have sudden feelings of pain, regret, anger, anxiety, blame, or shame — the normal but difficult emotions surrounding infidelity — pull out the list and find an item on it that you can work on that very minute. In this way, you will short-circuit the temptation to dwell on the past and the hurt you have sustained. I wish you had said that your cheating husband asked for forgiveness. In many societies, sad to say, the only thing that men regret about cheating is that they got caught. If your husband is that kind of man, you will eventually discover that loyalty is one-sided in your marriage and his infidelity is a secret passion he enjoys.

I am an introvert and generally don’t share my feelings with others, not even with my parents. I feel there is a beautiful world inside me, which I would not like to share with others. Also, I feel people can’t understand and respect my feelings and make fun of me. Because of this attitude, I don’t get along with people. Could you help? — Ajay I wish you had stated your age because your entire situation sounds typically adolescent. If you are not yet 20, my advice is to apply yourself to living around people and developing the social skills that are part of adulthood. It may be painful to acquire these skills and shyness may accentuate the pain, but countless introverts have walked the same path and found a place in the world.

However, if you are over 20, this extended adolescent attitude indicates that you are on your way to being anti-social. That is, of course, your right. There are plenty of solitary people who find a way to exist in the world. Some of them are artists and geniuses; others are natural recluses; an unfortunate percentage have a mental disorder. But whatever choice you make, it should be a conscious one. That is, don’t turn against society because it’s the course of least resistance. Try to grow and overcome your inner weaknesses. Rest assured, if you sat down with the most successful politician or businessman in the country and offered up your complaints against society, they would robustly agree with you. But having seen how dismally short of the ideal, society may fall, all of us must still live with others and improve the ills we perceive.